When you realize you married a man that can’t peel a banana, an orange or count!

As easy as peeling a banana

On a rather random day we bought bananas and when we began peeling them to eat, I noticed that Luki (the weirdo am married to) peeled his from the wrong side altogether. (second pic) It was the first time I noticed it and so I immediately stopped him and asked why he was not using the knob that already stuck out. He found my suggestion rather odd and remarked that no one peeled a banana that way. Realizing that we were both stuck in our ways and so sure we were right, we laughed because we had a blurred understanding of why the other one peeled it that way but we simply would not change the way we have known all our lives. For now that is fine, the challenge will come one day when we have kids and have to show them how to peel a banana. To avoid stepping on any toes I would suggest breaking the banana in half and peeling it from there because well, why not!

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When life gives you oranges

After a long walk in the sun searching for a big market in Cagliari, we finally reached San Benedetto Market, incredible market by the way. There they had all sorts of juicy looking fruits and someone advised us to try out the oranges, we did and did not regret it but first, how did we get to eat the oranges? We decided to take them home and refrigerate them first and on our way out, I suggested taking one that we could eat at the beach. Luki then said that if we took an orange it would be difficult to peel the orange if we didn’t have a knife with us. When I suggested taking the orange, I had in mind that I would dig into a corner with my nail then peel the rest off but for him it meant cutting it into slices. He then told me that for him growing up, eating an orange meant cutting it up simply because it was easier and for me actually eating an orange meant peeling it yourself although we also sliced it sometimes. I guess what one can derive from that we have both enjoyed oranges in our lives.

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Counting with my fingers makes the numbers more concrete

I cannot for the life of me remember why we started counting with our fingers but we did and by the time we got to 3 I realized that this guy had a serious counting problem. In the pictures you will see how I count and how he counts (my fingers are the brown ones haha). With my right hand I count chronologically from my pinkie finger to the thumb but with my left I do it differently. My way of counting seems haphazard but when I tried to count the way he does it felt so strange and uncomfortable and when he tried my way he found it unreasonable.

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What am I saying?

Now, I must say, I was tempted to say white people/men peel bananas strange, can’t peel oranges and count strange then I remembered that this one person is not the standard for all and so before I make my conclusion, I have to do my research. It will probably turn out that the differences have nothing to do with race or sex but rather the way we are taught to do things as human beings. The examples above may be really petty but to me they signify the bigger picture. We all have things that make us different, not good or bad, just different. Stereotypes are birthed from rather small samples of people and that is not fair so, the next time before you put everyone in a bag, dare to view them as individuals.

Even though we are raised in different families, our societies play a big role in defining who we are and why we do the things we do in the ways that we do them. I will probably never get my head around peeling a banana from the wrong end or around counting weird and the beauty of it is that I don’t have to! I just have to accept that he simply cannot peel a banana, an orange or count using his fingers and  love him all the same.

It might be interesting one day to gather people from different races and backgrounds and ask them to do the things I mentioned above and see how the groups would divide themselves. My guess is that the differences will not cause people to fight and hate each other because, that would be ridiculous right? Well, in my opinion it is also the same as hating someone because they are of a different race, sex, age or religion. For some, the differences would make it difficult to be best friends but you do not have to be, start by simply accepting the next person the way they are. When you find people that peel bananas the right way like me, then I hope you dance.

You don’t need to be perfect to be happy

You don’t need to be perfect to be happy

It took me quite a while but in the end I realised that perfection is a myth, there is no perfect person, we all have flaws. Now,  I am at a stage whereby i no longer pursue perfection, I only seek to be the best version of myself.

This may not be true for everyone but when you post a picture of yourself on social media, you try to post the one that portrays something close to flawless, because that is what feels most comfortable. If that is what everyone is doing then we are all hiding behind masks and comparing ourselves to filtered versions of others. Ouch! If there is one thing that brings my spirits down, its comparing myself to other people. This comparison goes beyond self image and speaks for our actions as well.

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I have been living in Switzerland for 3 years now and although I love to swim, I do not feel secure swimming far into “open water” in this case the Zurich Lake, which is lovely by the way. For a while, this made me feel less brave and somewhat less cool. I have now come to a point whereby I am actually fine with swimming with the kids around the shore because that is where I feel comfortable even when everyone else my age goes far out with no fear. In many cases, they have been swimming in this lake for over 20 years and are comfortable in it. Back home in Zimbabwe my only exposure was swimming in a swimming pool and so for me, it doesn’t matter how big the pool is, as long as it is a pool I will swim to the deepest sides with no fear but as soon as the water is open, fear grips me. If there has to be a comparison, then I compare myself to the children that are also still afraid to go too far simply because like me, they do not have the confidence and have not had enough exposure to swim far out and thats ok. Some people get over the fear quickly and some don’t, either way I think its fine. I remain my own measure of success or failure, not everyone else around me and that makes the walk easier!

“If you measure the intelligence of a fish by its ability to climb a tree then you will never see its worth.”In the same vain, do not use unfair measures to compare yourself to other people, you are uniquely wired and you would be so much happier if you accepted yourself for who you are and motivated yourself to be better not because someone else seems to be, but because you want to be better. When you realise that being the best version of yourself is the only path to happiness then I Hope You Dance!